When my husband and I used to go on cruises, we would find ourselves on stage playing the game “How well do you know your partner?” We had a lot of fun, laughs, and quite often took home a prize that would end up in the bin a few months later. It is the simple things we do that make a difference and help build stronger, healthy relationships.
How well do you know your partner’s psychological world, stresses, worries, joys, and dreams? One hack to strengthening your relationship is asking open-ended questions. An open-ended question cannot be answered with a quick “Yes” or “No”. It is questions like:
How would you like our lives to change in the next five years?
What is your top 3 stressors at the moment?
If you could change one thing in our lives, what would it be?
Open-ended questions have stories for answers, and layers of meaning that can help you understand the heart of who your partner is. Here are more question ideas that you can both explore. The key to keeping a happy relationship is to periodically ask what’s going on in each other’s life.
Resource: John Gottman Love Map App
Download: App Store or Google Play
How to use this app?
Sit opposite each other
Open app
One of you read a question out loud and answer it in terms of your partner’s world
Your partner can respond by saying “Yes, that’s right” or “No, good try” and explain why. This is not a competition; it is an opportunity to enter their world and get to know them. Don’t assume that you already know your partner.
Then trade roles, it’s your partner’s turn to read a question.
Keep alternating and taking turns.
This a great way to get to know each other. Be gentle and have fun.
My husband and I quite often use the app to guide our conversations when we go out for dinner, providing an opportunity to connect in a meaningful way.
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